Worst. Post. Ever.

Well, day four. I have nothing to say. Absolutely nothing. I did hear a good joke yesterday. Well, read… I read a good joke yesterday.
Q: Why aren’t there any jokes about the Jonestown Massacre?
A: The punch line is too long.
Get it? They all killed themselves by drinking cyanide laced punch! Genius! Actually, I think a whole lot of the people at Jonestown might have been forced to drink it against their will, and the whole thing was real tragic, but… Tragedy and comedy go together like mustard and coffee. That analogy too much for you? Deal with it. Chump.

Good Gravy

It’s really hard for me to take a stance on most things. I try to be objective in most situations. And probably too objective. Almost to the point of defending horrible human beings and their horrible actions. I’m not, inherently, a bad person. I do bad things from time to time, but, “bad” is a subjective term. SEE! That’s what I’m talking about. If I ever do take a stance on something, it’s a “well, who am I to judge?” stance, which isn't a stance. But, really, Who am I to judge? Everyone is made of the same stuff, we’re all basically the same thing. We all have our own ideologies and prejudices, but at some point we were all exactly the same. If only for about a year or two right after we were all born, respectively. As Pete Holmes says, “It’s amazing to me to think that every person on Earth has, at least one time, had diarrhea.” We can make awful cosmic references to human inter-connectivity, or we can make crude understatements of how every human being is somehow connected. We might take different roads, but we’ll end up in the same place. It’s real easy to get wrapped up in ones life. Bullshit constantly drops from the sky, some people are just better at dodging it. A good way to dodge it is to look at life for what it really is… a big fucking joke. This doesn't have to be a depressing statement if you don’t want it to be. Life’s a joke, so laugh at it. Have fun. Tear shit up, but not people. A lot of people make it seem like the human race is a terrible disease slowly killing itself and it’s home, and that may very well be the case, but, let’s not let those fucks ruin our party, it’s only midnight.

Workin' It

Stream of consciousness #2 - I have to write. I don’t know what about, but I have to write, so, I’m doing these “stream of consciousness” things. I think, then I write. I hear it’s some kind of writing exercise that writers do.

My day off work consists of such:
Noon - Too early to get up on such a beautiful day.
1:45pm - Sandwich, back to bed.
2:00pm - Think about what it would be like to get out of bed. Oh, all the things I could do.
8:00pm - Coffee, write.
9:00pm - Think about how stupid I am for having a job.
4:37am - Lay awake in bed and think about how stupid I am for not going to bed at a reasonable hour.
4:39am - Sleep.

I’m a busy man with nothing to do. I make food for a bunch of people I’ve never met, nor do I care to meet. They surely know what Italian food is. These people ALL HAVE TASTE… GOOD TASTE.

Takin' Care of Business

Stream of consciousness #1 - Ok, so, the Casualties are rapists. Who cares? People rape and get raped. I’m not condoning it by any means, but… They’re not that good anyway, so you shouldn't support them on principle of that. In other news, let’s do this for real. Let’s start a fire. At a church. Let’s burn that shit down then move on the Washington and burn that shit down. Revolution? Fuck no. No one cares about that shit. It’s all a bunch of bologna. Let’s just wreck shit until no one wants it anymore and we can take back what is rightfully ours. You know, like Justin Timberlake did with N’sync. We’ll plant our seed in every town we pass through and kill the old people who try to stop us. We’re not in this to change anyone’s lives but our own. We’re selfish and we know it. They made us this way and then try to blame us for it. FUCK THEM! Who are they? They are the old, they are the ignorant, they are you. Well, maybe not you, but they’re definitely not us. Creating isn't easy, unless you’re into that hippy dippy shit and believe that everything is beautiful. Everything is not beautiful. Most things are disgusting, in fact. Like rape. Rape is disgusting and we've been the ass end of it for too long. Well, guy, I’m done being raped. If the revolution does come I’m not stock piling a bunch of guns and canned food. I’m sitting in front of my record player until the electricity goes out, then I’ll go sit outside for a while and watch the stars every night. Nothing romantic, nothing beautiful, just day-to-day shit. Keepin’ it real. As long as pot comes from the ground you’ll always have something to do. Stay on your toes, dress warm when it’s cold, hold your babies tight… the road might get a little bumpy.